Joaquin Phoenix Is Not My Hero, But I Like His House

Just watched I'm Still Here at CPH:DOX. I miss LA. It's shallow to say that, I know. Especially considering that I'm making this confession after watching what is arguably the archetypal example of everything that is wrong with that city.

Thing is, in LA, everything is truly better, and when it's not better, there's certainly more of it. I miss the Dodgers and hot dogs on Sunset at 3am in Echo Park and obscenely long drives to the beach on a Saturday morning and partying with c-list celebrities and overpriced but totally worth it omakase and that special attitude LA girls have and the newly invented expressions by ageing hipsters and the way I feel when I know it's late November and the sun sweats me and when I'm playing tennis and am bored to death by a conversation about 'the industry' and then I realize: it's so fucking cool that I'm bored by conversations about 'the industry'.

Acting Like An Idiot Gets Girls

So I've been escaping from myself the past few months. Hence, the lack of posts, or lack of progress of any kind for that matter. I guess, coming off of the emotional drama that was my last film, Hunter/Gatherer, I've been laying low, and really, drinking myself into oblivion.

A talented friend of mine told me just the other day that I live a crazy life. And at first I wasn't inclined to believe him. I mean, after all...I'm the guy who didn't have a girlfriend until he was 18. I'm the guy who doesn't drive a car, or go to crazy clubs on the weekend. I'm the guy who slept through the house parties, and lived like a fifty year old even when I had next to infinite resources when living in Los Angeles.

And then my friend reminded me that at Bakken on Thursday, I took my trousers off and had two icelandic girls groping my...junk. I have two stunning Dutch models staying with me for a week starting on the 24th. I'm producing music videos and commercials. I'm working in the field that I want to be working in, and I'm not starving...for now.

So what's the disconnect? Why am I not enjoying that which is so very real and apparent to me at this moment in my life? Is it because it's all fake clouded over in a haze of over-tired-ness?

Thing is, I haven't slept for the past three weeks...at least not more than for three or four hours at a time...until yesterday. This type of behaviour is certainly not conducive to a good work ethic. Finally, I stopped myself from going out, and after heading home and eating a giant bowl of KD (thanks mom) passed out to the laugh track of That Mitchell and Webb Look (start it at 7:35 and be sure to click through to the following segment).

This morning, I've awoken, committed, happy, and devoted to the task at hand - success. But what am I sacrificing for a good work ethic? Maybe it's just that which I already can barely appreciate - the already crazy life that I may or may not lead.